Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Improve the Lead

Read the following story and write a new lead that draws the reader in. A good lead should have some of the following: action, dialogue, sound effects, description, feelings/thoughts, etc.


The Monster in the Barn

Bobby was preparing to go to bed late one evening when he heard a shrill screech coming from the barn outside. Bobby was unsure what was making such an eerie noise so late in the night. He had trouble falling asleep and tossed and turned all night dreaming about the haunting sounds emanating from the barn. When Bobby awakened the following morning, he hurried out to the barn to discover what was causing such a peculiar noise the night prior. He gathered his courage and entered the barn but left befuddled when he could not find what was making such noise. That evening after dinner as the sun was setting, Bobby grabbed a flashlight and set out for the barn.
"Where are you heading?" Bobby’s father asked.
"I am going to go find the monster that was making such a commotion last night," Bobby replied.
"If you are going to look for a monster, you might need some assistance," Bobby’s dad responded as he walked with Bobby out to the barn.
Bobby shined his flashlight into the barn, but he did not see anything. Bobby called out but only his echo returned. He walked into the barn but there was no monster.
"What did this monster sound like?" Bobby’s dad asked.
"It was a screeching noise," Bobby said, "and it was coming from the barn. I know it!"
Bobby’s dad began to chuckle and he took the flashlight from Bobby. Shining the flashlight up at the roof of the barn, Bobby and his dad saw a small brown owl in the rafters of the roof.
"It was only a barn owl that you heard last night," Bobby’s dad said. "They are nocturnal predators so that is why you only heard him at night. He must have been hunting for his dinner."
Bobby was elated that it wasn’t a monster and thanked his dad as they walked back to the house. Just then they heard a loud screech and looked up to see the barn owl flying away into the night sky.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

One night Bobby was preparing to go to bed when he heard a creek from the barn.


17

Anonymous said...

It was the shrill, eerie cry that stopped Bobby in his tracks one evening going to bed.
-#21

Anonymous said...

Bobby was getting ready for bed when he heard a shrill cry come from the barn.Bobby did not know what the scary noise was but he was surely sacred. When he went to bed all he was thinking of was the scary noise.


Kaelyn is number 4!

Anonymous said...

In the dark shadows of the night, running to Bobby's room a screech from the barn came rushed in.


#12

Anonymous said...

Whats that nose dad ask I told you less check.

#3

Anonymous said...

Bobby was on his way to bed after a long day on his way he heard a shrill screeching noise coming from the barn.






# 7

Anonymous said...

Bobby was about to get in bed, but suddenly he hears a shrieking noise SHRIEK!!! He quickly turns around as he hears it again, he says to himself "what is that noise"? He can feel his heart beating fast and hard, feeling the fright in his head.

#20

Anonymous said...

"Bobby! It's time for bed!" Bobby's father shouted up the stairs."Just a minute!" Bobby said, looking out the window. "I thought I heard something!" "What was it?" "It sounded like a monster!"

24

Anonymous said...

As I was getting ready for bed I heard a noise from the barn that got me scared out of my mind. The thought of the noise kept me up at night

8

Anonymous said...

"what's that sound" a young boy named Bobby had thought to himself right after he heard a frightening sound, the sound was a shrill screech.

#19

Anonymous said...

As Bobby was preparing to go to bed one late evening,he heard a shill screech.Then he could not fall a sleep.#9

Anonymous said...

Bobby was preparing to go to bed late one evening when heard a screeching noise come from the wooden old barn outside.

#11

Anonymous said...

Screech! Bobby heard right before he was about to climb into his warm bed. He thought, "what was that," but scrambled into bed anyways.






#2

Anonymous said...

#22

Bobby was in bed when he herd a very loud screech out side. He thought it was coming from the barn. So the next day he went out to the barn and found nothing.

Anonymous said...

On a dark windy night Bobby was preparing to go to bed when all in a sudden Bobby heard a shrill screech coming from the old red barn. He had no clue what was making that eerie noise from the old red barn he was startled what could have made that noise was it a monster?

13 ; )

Anonymous said...

As Bobby was strolled to his bed he heard something out in the dark barn it sounded like a screech sound which he did not like but it went on and on all night.

18

Anonymous said...

Bobby was getting reedy for bed late one night and he heard a terrible screeching noise coming from the barn.15

Anonymous said...

Bobby had just settled down in his relaxing sky blue bed as he heard a screeching noise coming from the window over looked the bright red barn. I have to go check it out maybe it is a hungry, vicious terrible animal.

$14 :o)

Anonymous said...

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek" A screeching noise was coming from the dark red barn. Something that sounded a little like a cat stuck in a lawn mower woke Bobby up at three in the morning. "What was that?" He said. What was the noise? A monster? Bobby went to find out.

#23

Anonymous said...

"what was that screeching sound?" thought bobby."I should check it out".




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